Whose Time is it, Anyway?

I really despise getting up early in the morning, but there is something peaceful about being the only one up.  I guess this is my 'me' time.  I've got an extra fifteen minutes to myself.  No one else is stirring.

It's funny how your life can seem to belong to everyone else but yourself.  Most days, I get up so I can go to work.  I wait until the last possible minute to get up, so, after I'm ready, it's time to go.  I get some solitude in the drive, but I don't get to do whatever I want...I can't write, for instance.  With the advent of cell phones and 'two-way', my drive to work is invariably interrupted before I'm even at the office.  Can't they wait ten more minutes?  

While I'm at work, I'm thinking about the things I need to do for home...go pick up this or that; be home in time for Jenna's whatever; am I going to make enough this week to make ends meet?  When I get home, there are things to do, places to be.  The house is small so there is not much alone time and, just when I get a breather and begin to write or whatever, there is this 'one more thing' that has to be done.  

Then, it is time to put Jenna to bed.  I know she is in Junior High now, but I'm still Daddy to her, so I almost always tuck her in with a bedtime story.  I've been doing it for at least ten of her nearly twelve years, and, as long as she keeps asking, I will keep doing it.

After Jenna is in bed, Lynn and I finally have a chance to talk, to get to know each other again for another day.  And, although I long to get back to whatever I was doing for myself, I know that this time with Lynn is necessary to maintain our relationship.  Just because we have been married for nearly 17 years (and dated six and a half years before that) does not mean we can stop getting to know each other.  So, I stay up later than I should, so that we can get to know each other for another day.  Then we go to bed and it starts over again.

Life has a rhythm, and it is important for us to have this kind of consistency.  I just wish the drummer would slow the beat down a bit.  Do I sound selfish.  To some who read this, I probably do.  But there are others who understand what I'm talking about.  I may be selfish, but I do put aside those desires to take time for my family...my marriage.  So, is having the desire a selfish act?  Is relishing those times when the desire is fulfilled selfish?  I don't think so.  If I were to shirk my duties as employee or my obligations as father or my commitment as husband, then I would be guilty of selfishness.  But I still have to guard myself against resenting those things because of my desire for 'my time'.

The sad thing is that I just re-read everything above, and I have been the most selfish I could be.  No where did I mention time with God.  All the rest is nothing without that.  When did I do that last.  I could have been doing it now.  In a way, I guess I am, because if I weren't, I would not have gotten that message from Him.  The point is this: Unless I cultivate the relationship I have with the Father, none of the other matters, especially the 'me time'.  I have got to put everything back in order...God, family, me.